‘You’re alone’ is the number one favourite from ms depression. When you’re sat in class, round the table eating lunch, waiting for the bus, living your shopping addiction out..the thought/feeling persists and never seems to fade away. Not even for a split second.. as it still finds a way to linger around like that after taste from yesterdays drinking sesh *hangover*. Someone asked me quite openly ‘how can you feel alone when you have a family and some people don’t at all’. When i first heard that i felt so ungratefully selfish and i did ask myself ‘why’ i felt alone when i have so many loved ones around me. What is the most frustrating part, is that you seem to isolate yourself to the point where you appear so cold, selfish or than the complete opposite of where ‘wow you’re always so happy’ but on the inside you’re screaming and just wishing you could be heard for how you really feel and that is how you feel alone. You feel alone due to the fact you feel you cant talk to anyone as you dont want to appear weak and the thought of worrying someone even a little stresses you out. You feel alone not because of what you have but for how your mind cripples you into feeling like you’re constantly gasping for that last bit of air and mind. However on the outside to others they can never see your pain: your every second struggle, how you feel so constantly drained from life and the CONSTANT questioning of your every action. Sometimes you get that wrapped up in it all you do feel like you’re the only one suffering and that no one else is in pain. Trust me they’re worrying about you due to how much they love and care and thats nothing to fear! Everyday i wish to rewind, Never thought id compare myself to a video however who said childhood dreams couldn’t come true? But living your life always worrying, questioning previous actions and most importantly feeling alone is never healthy. About the 100000 time i’ve been told that, but its true! Every second you’re never alone, as right now you could be looking up into the sky just admiring whats there or just posing a thought and someone else will be, thats just fact. I always relate back to when i hear ‘you’re not alone’ from my fav childhood classic: MATILDA!!! The way she was able to take so much life and comfort from books made me realise how you’re in fact never alone.
Don’t feel scared to breathe your concerns or feelings EVER. Life within your bubble still has holes to breathe out of and those holes are what keeps you living. Take that breath and breathe.
-love chloe x